Percussive Maintenance/Transcript
DISCLAIMER DR. BRIEFS: The following is a fan-based parody. DragonBall, DragonBall Z, and DragonBall GT are all owned by FUNimation, TOEI Animation, Fuji TV, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release. (cut to Piccolo and the Androids arriving at a desolated island) ANDROID 17: All right, sis. Since you had all the fun last time, why don't you sit this one out? ANDROID 18: Already on it. I'll just hang out with 16 over here. ANDROID 16: I have spotted a pelican. So majestic-- (pelican squawks off-screen) So majes-- (pelican sqwauks again) Maje-- (pelican sqwauks once more) That is a big bird. ANDROID 17: Now, are you trying to buy time, or are you just looking to throw your life away? Because if I remember correctly... (shows Android 17 effortlessly taking out Piccolo twice in their last fight) This did not go well for you last time. PICCOLO: Oh, I'm not the same Namekian you faced before. (removes his cape and turban) ANDROID 17: Oh. Oh shit, are you talking metaphorically? Because if not, I'm gonna start feeling like a racist, because you look exactly the same. (Piccolo begins to power up) (cut to The Lookout) GOKU: Huh. I'm feeling a whole lot of Piccolo right now. Either he's showing off... GOHAN: Or he's fighting an Android! We have to go help him! GOKU: No, Gohan. We have to wait for Vegeta and Trunks to come out of the Hypertonic Lion Tamer! MR. POPO: (off-screen) That one was on purpose! GOKU: Coulda been. GOHAN: Well, how long do we have left? MR. POPO: Four hours. GOHAN: We've been here for 20 hours?! When? I mean, how? GOKU: That's what makes it Hypersonic, Gohan. MR. POPO: Goku? GOKU: Yeah-huh? (shows an outside shot of The Lookout as a screaming Goku is seen getting knocked off) SEQUENCE (cut to Piccolo still powering up for his fight against Android 17) ANDROID 17: Man, he has been at this for like twenty hours. ANDROID 16: It has been five minutes. ANDROID 17: It's called hyperbole, big guy. Also, I can't sense power levels. What's going on over there? ANDROID 16: Dodge. ANDROID 17: Dodge what--? (gets punched in the face by Piccolo) You know, 16, yelling dodge is more distracting than helpful. ANDROID 16: He has fused with Kami. ANDROID 17: Kami? What--? (Piccolo kicks him in the face, knocking him a few feet across the ground) Seriously, what the hell's a Kami? PICCOLO: It means God. Now bow. (fires a blast at Android 17, which emits a huge explosion) (cut to Capsule Corp.) DR. BRIEFS: Aw, there's my sweet little half-breed grandbaby. So, how's the detonator coming along? BULMA: It's coming. But did you look at Dr. Gero's notes? As it turns out, he only attributes model numbers to his successful projects. The crazy bastard was kidnapping dozens of orphaned teenagers and experimenting on them! DR. BRIEFS: Oh, come now, you can't kidnap an orphan; they weren't wanted in the first place. That aside, that's kind of brilliant. BULMA: Interesting that he set explosives in their chest like this, though... Must have been a fail-safe, for in case they went rogue. DR. BRIEFS: Oh, he does that to strangers and it's fine, but I want to do it to my own children, and your mother gets all uppity! BULMA: ...Dad, any more talk like that and you don't get to hold Trunks anymore. DR. BRIEFS: Hmph! Wouldn't be talking so mighty if you had a bomb in your chest. (cut back to Piccolo and the Androids) ANDROID 17: Too bad, Jolly Green Giant. Looks like you missed! Try again for a zeni? (Piccolo starts firing a bunch of ki blasts at Android 17, who merely dodges them while humming. However, Piccolo still continues to fire more ki blasts...which are still missing despite 17 no longer attempting to dodge them.) ANDROID 17: Umm, I stopped dodging! Seriously, are you even trying to hit me? PICCOLO: (still firing off still more ki blasts) No! ANDROID 17: The hell do you mean no? (looks around and realizes he's surrounded by a bunch of dormant ki blasts) Oh. Oh... Oh, shit. PICCOLO: Hellzone Grenade! (makes all the ki blasts rain down on 17) ANDROID 17: (thinking) Oh man, it's even got a cool name! (there's a large explosion before the whole area gets covered in smoke) You know something I don't get? (he is seen unharmed from the attack due to emitting a barrier, surprising Piccolo) You try to kill Goku and that's fine; we try to kill Goku and suddenly you get all uppity! PICCOLO: True. But when I did it, it was for revenge. You're just doing it for shits and giggles. ANDROID 17: Tell you what? You live a few years in stasis with your creator repeating the words "Kill Goku." over and over again in your subconscious, then you can ride that high horse all day long. PICCOLO: Wow. ANDROID 17: What? PICCOLO: Nothing, just...nostalgia. (cut over to Kame House) KRILLIN: Man, that is some serious power being thrown around. TIEN: Damn it, we shouldn't just sit here like a bunch of cowards, we need to help! YAMCHA: And do what, get rag-dolled again? No, thank you. TIEN: Of course you'd say that. KRILLIN: Hey, he's actually got a point. I mean, between the Super Saiyans, the Super Namekian, the Androids, and whatever the hell Cell is... TIEN: Oh, don't you start. KRILLIN: Hey, I was on Namek, okay?! Shit got crazy! I got stabbed! And blown up! YAMCHA: I've been stabbed and blown up, too! And dumped by the only girlfriend I ever had! KRILLIN: Same. But you know the difference? When mine left, she took all my money. When yours left, she took all HER money. (Yamcha is seen being left speechless as everyone) MASTER ROSHI: ...Gonna need a Senzu for that one. (cut back to Piccolo and the Androids now on another island) ANDROID 17: Not that this hasn't been fun and all, but I'm going to give you one last chance to tell us where Goku is, or I'm going to have to start taking this seriously. PICCOLO: Be a nice change of pace. (Android 17 merely sighs and flies over to Piccolo, landing in front of him) ANDROID 17: Hi. PICCOLO: Uh, hi-- (Android 17 punches him in the jaw, but he stops himself from losing balance by backflipping away from Android 17) NAIL: (Why are you backflipping?) PICCOLO: (thinking) To gain some distance! (Android 17 punches him in the jaw again) KAMI: ('''YOU CAN FLY!!!')'' (Piccolo recovers from the attack and both he and Android 17 charge at each other) (cut to The Lookout) GOHAN: Dad, do you think Piccolo can win? GOKU: No. (Android 17 elbows Piccolo in the back) But maybe... (Piccolo kicks Android 17 in the face) Then again... (Android 17 punches Piccolo in the face) Although... (Piccolo headbutts Android 17) GOHAN: Why do you keep stopping short? GOKU: Oh, I'm sorry, Gohan. Were you saying something? (cut to Capsule Corp.) BULMA: I SAID the detonator's almost finished! DR. BRIEFS: (he's currently holding Baby Trunks, who's bawling) Sorry, hard to hear you over the baby. He sure does cry a lot. Do you think he gets that from his monkey side? BULMA: Dad! No racism in front of Trunks! DR. BRIEFS: Oh, come on, I'm using monkey unironically here. I-I mean, mostly. Half and half? Kind of like the baby. YAJIROBE: You know, it's kinda hard to enjoy my meal with your brat screaming. DR. BRIEFS: Where did you get that food? You've already cleared out our kitchens! YAJIROBE: Not the fridge in the basement. DR. BRIEFS: I don't have a fridge in my-- Oh, my God. BULMA: Done. We effectively have a detonator for the androids. Bulma: Kills 'Droids Dead. Now, if you'll excuse me. (takes baby Trunks from her father, and puts his face in left breast, who immediately stops crying) YAJIROBE: Wait, are you breastfeeding? BULMA: (Trunks starts making low, but noticeable sucking sounds as he suckles out Bulma's milk from her nipple ) ''Yeah. Why? '''YAJIROBE:' Awesome. (cut back to Piccolo and Android 17 screaming at each other and in a brawler lock) ANDROID 18: Ugh, my God. This is so dumb. This cannot get any dumber. ANDROID 16: Agreed. Sure is a lot of not killing Goku going on right now... You know what would fix that? ANDROID 18: Is it killing Goku--? ANDROID 16: A good ol' rousing round of killing Goku. (both Piccolo and Android 17 unleash an energy burst) (cut to Kame House with Tien listening to Krillin and Yamcha's argument) YAMCHA: Yeah? We-well at least I slept with Bulma! KRILLIN: Yeah? Well, unlike Vegeta, you can't prove it! YAMCHA: Can too! We'll just ask her! CHI-CHI: Bulma's on the phone! YAMCHA: On second thought, never mind. TIEN: (thinking) You know, in hindsight, I'm so glad I'm here right now. KRILLIN: Krill-master speaking. DR. BRIEFS: (in the speaker) I WILL MURDER YOU!!! KRILLIN: Whoa, hostile. BULMA: Never mind that. Listen, I have the detonator for the Androids. KRILLIN: Wow, that was quick. BULMA: 22 hours isn't quick. KRILLIN: 22 HOURS?! When? I-I mean, how? How long did we sleep?! BULMA: Look, I'm on my way over, try not to die in the meantime. (hangs up) KRILLIN: All right, so where were we? (cut back to Piccolo and Android 17, now punching each other in the gut) ANDROID 18: I was wrong. This got so much dumber. (both Piccolo and Android 17 punch each other in the gut two more times before they both kick each other in the face, both of them spinning away and landing on the ground) ANDROID 17: Damn it, green man, you are hard to put down. PICCOLO: Yeah, not gonna lie, actually beginning to enjoy myself here. NAIL: (Uh, man, we have a problem.) PICCOLO: (thinking) Yeah, I know, I'm bluffing. I'm kind of at my limit. KAMI: (No, another problem.) PICCOLO: (thinking) What, the other Androids? NAIL: (No, another, 'nother problem!) PICCOLO: (thinking) What, I-- (looks to the right and gasps) Oh. ANDROID 17: (also looking at the direction Piccolo's looking) What the f**k is that?! (it reveals that Cell himself has arrived at the battlefield) CELL: Hello, boys. Room for one more? SEQUENCE STRINGER (cut to an outside shot of Capsule Corp. with Yajirobe being heard running inside) DR. BRIEFS: You run pretty good for a fat man! (a gunshot is heard, shattering a pane of glass) YAJIROBE: Why are you so mad? They weren't even that good! DR. BRIEFS: Most of those weren't even meant to be eaten that way!